The Commitment Trick

It's been an incredibly long time since I updated my blog; however, I've still be writing and my life has continued to provide some incredible material.

Most recently life has handed me a pretty simple lesson, one about commitment. A lesson that, let's be honest here, I probably should have learned by now.

About two weeks ago I moved into a new rental house with a roommate. A house that isn't on the brightest street in Greenville (for those of you still behind, it's a tad sketchy). So when a friend asked me to babysit an 8 month old German Shepherd, I was thrilled. I thought the dog might make me feel more secure. Now, I don't know much about German Shepherds so I didn't quite know what I was in for.

And by that I mean, 85 pounds of sheer energy. Charlie, the shepherd puppy, likes to run laps in the house knocking over most anything in his body's path. He also likes to eat anything that seems inedible. For example, tissue paper is his latest find. He also loves my gloves, cotton balls, glass root beer bottles, and santa (maybe he had a bad experience with the guy). So, you're getting the picture that Charlie isn't easy to deal with right? He wants to bite at my hands to get my attention, he wants to jump on me to greet me, he wants to start every morning at 6 or 7am by whining (non-stop).

For the past 10 days, Charlie and I have enjoyed three walks a day...and it's on those walks that I began to fall in love. Charlie, who hasn't been leash trained, would simply walk beside me, stopping when I stop. Sitting when I say sit. Licking at my hand. The walks weren't just good for Charlie...and even on the nights I came home after work, with it super cold out, tired and ready for bed....I came home and grabbed Charlie's leash, put him in the car and took him downtown for a walk. I knew he needed it.

Tonight as we walked downtown, I realized something simple...Charlie had gotten me to commit to him. I look forward to the walks as much as he does and in the few times that I don't...I put his needs above my own. His need for walks have become more important than my desire not to walk (for whatever my reason at that time).

Thank you Charlie, for teaching me about myself...about committing to something and seeing that something through. For teaching me that sometimes what you don't feel like doing can be exactly what you need to do. And for making me get out and do it, cause otherwise you'll destroy my house. :)

So, maybe you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but maybe that's because the dog is busy teaching you.

Wounds heal, but scars are a reminder...

Because of a series of events I like to summarize with the word "life," I haven't really been on top of blogging lately. 

But the past few days events led me to some thoughts I wanted to share (mainly for my mom to read since she is always asking me to blog). The things I'm about to share are not the most appealing. In fact if you have a weak stomach, this might not be the entry to read. 

About a year ago or so, it seems a small bump appeared on my collarbone. I thought nothing of it. It was small and sort of hard to notice. But as time passed, the bump grew slowly in size. It became something I was slightly self-concious about and more noticeable as it grew. During a doctor visit, I had it checked and was told it was no big deal, just a cyst that people often get and can have for years. I was informed by my doctor that I could have it removed whenever I liked. I had just switched jobs and was without insurance for a bit so I decided to wait. 

I'm getting to the point of all this so bare with me. Recently, the cyst appeared to have a white head on it and as people began to look at it, they would say "no big deal you can pop that...and you should". I began to listen to the voices around me (let me clarify none of these people had harmful intentions), but this bump that I had barely thought twice about in a year's time suddenly became my "elephant in the room." I began to feel like it was gross and everyone else was silently confirming that thought. (Mind you the bump was the size of a large garden pea so nothing crazy). But the world around me won.

I picked at the bump. I squeezed it. I pinched it. I made it open up. I pushed on it. I did everything I could to agitate it in hopes that it would somehow become less obvious and go away. Within a day or two, it had become apparent that not only was it MORE obvious, but that I had done something to irritate or infect it. I went to the doctor. The doctor then cut out the infection and gave me a prescription. The solution was easy. But in order to solve the problem simply...I had to allow someone else to clean up the mess I had made by trying to work it out myself AND believing all the non-doctors voices around me. 

That whole personal, kind of icky story is to say this...if you listen to the world, you will make a mess of things and though God will always clean it up when you come to Him and seek His guidance, you can prevent the pain and infection by not trying to solve things entirely on your own. 

The cyst would have been fine until I had insurance (which starts next week, yes next week...so out-of-pocket expenses were paid). Instead of waiting and not letting something bother me that had nothing to do with my interior, but only my exterior...I got consumed and created a problem. The solution had a price. 

I'm learning that sometimes I don't know what's best for me or how to fix the mess I've made (or I'm about to make), but thankfully I believe in a God that does. 

Jeremiah 29:11

(My bullet style wound after the "clean-up." Caution: The image below may gross you out.)

Who are we performing for?

Music is spiritual. The music business is not. -Van Morrison



Anyone who knows me knows that I love music and I never pass up a chance to attend music shows. Recently I heard about a show and I was completely unfamiliar with the artists. Jonny Brush (a guy I'm working with to help promote his music) and his wife adore this band and their music. I wanted to get a feel for the style of music that he appreciates; so, I went with a female friend to the show.

On the way to the show, my friend played their album. The music was intoxicating. It was music that shared stories, deep stories of love. The music was so powerful and intimate in its sound that it was almost impossible not to fall in love with it. And I did.

Less than an hour after hearing the songs for the first time, I was witnessing the songs being performed. The sound of the songs were just as captivating in person, but so was the energy of the performers. As I watched the interaction between the artists first off-stage and then on-stage, I became slightly uncomfortable. Both artists wore wedding rings and my friend mentioned that they were both married, but not to each other. The interaction on stage, however, seemed to tell a different story. I ran into a couple other people I knew at the show and both commented on the intense flirtatious interaction of the artists as well.

I left the show a little frustrated and disappointed to be honest. Even if the interaction between the artists is just for the sake of the show, isn't the value of marriage more sacred than ticket or cd sales? After all, today's world doesn't offer us many examples of incredible marriages. Marriages that are built around unconditional love. A love in such opposition to our selfish nature, that it requires work. Love is not easy to come by and to maintain (lust is).

The next day, I learned that one of the artists was actually someone who had released some Christian albums in the past. I worked at a Christian bookstore in high school when she was big and was very familiar with her past albums. This connection made me even more confused.

Our lives are always on display, on-stage or off. For those who believe in God, every action and decision we make is an opportunity to testify to His glory. With a platform so big and a nightly stage so easily available, I can't help but wonder...who and what is she performing for? Because to me, the answer to that seemed unclear.

*My blog is my opinion and for that reason, I have left out the name of the band. My objective is reflection and is not to judge anyone, especially someone I don't even know. I'm sure I often reflect the Gospel or God poorly in  my own life. I just want to be a follower and to encourage other believers to realize that our lives (actions) are always on display, whether good or bad,  and may come into question by a non-believer. God is always the correct answer, but is He always the answer we are pointing toward?

Because her words are wise...

A few quotes I've really enjoyed recently...all belonging to Mother Teresa.

‎"Love, to be real, must cost- it must hurt- it must empty us of self." -Mother Teresa


There is always the danger that we may just do the work for the sake of the work. This is where the respect and the love and the devotion come in - that we do it to God, to Christ, and that's why we try to do it as beautifully as possible. 


Words which do not give the light of Christ increase the darkness. 


Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.

What I can do, you cannot. What you can do, I cannot. But together we can do something beautiful for God.


Doubt takes away your freedom.

Jesus isn't for quitters.

Panic has always been my neighbor, you know the one that watches you and always comes over at an inconvenient time. The one who doesn't want to help, but rather to hover over you and make you feel nervous. Well, panic stopped by today... I recently quit my job with a non-profit to pursue the Lord, both directly and indirectly.

While I did work with a phenomenal group of women at a non-profit, my position was leaving me restless. My job entailed going into the classroom three times a week and teaching students about relationships. The program was in its infancy and I found myself researching and lesson planning, pouring hours of myself into finding good videos or neat articles. But it seemed that every time I arrived to class, the students were fairly uninterested and appeared to have just received large doses of caffeine. 

I wanted out. Not out of the organization, but out of the NOISE. I wanted to pour into people and have them listen and to ultimately pour back into me. And it hit me...Jesus wants that from me too. He shows up everyday in my life and I'm distracted, fairly uninterested at times, and loaded up with caffeine. He is the teacher...and I (well, let's be honest...we) are the classroom of reckless teenagers. 

I prayed about the decision to quit my job...and leaving wasn't easy. It still isn't easy. Less than five days later I'm beginning to panic about money. I'm questioning the very place that I feel God lead me to. I find myself thinking about things, and then re-thinking about things, and then over-thinking all those very same things. 

But today, I was able to be quiet for a few moments...and the Lord reminded me of something: Jesus isn't for quitters. Following Him doesn't mean I won't be scared, because sometimes that fear teaches us reliance and humility. Following Him isn't about having too much, it's about having what's necessary, having enough, and being promised provision. Following Him isn't about my comfort or my glory. Following Him is simply about following Him. (Confused?) 

Following Him just means chasing after Him, not losing sight of Him. It's ok to just see the back of Him and not know where He is going. He is God. What lies ahead of us and often what lies behind us aren't as important as whom it is that we're following to get there.

So, I am going to panic...I am going to be scared...I am going to feel uncomfortable...perhaps even overwhelmed, defeated, or uncertain...but what I'm NOT going to do...is give up. Because following Jesus ANYWHERE is still worth following Jesus.

"And let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right, for in due time and at the appointed season we shall reap, if we do not loosen and relax our courage..." -Galations 6:9 (Joyce Meyer Devotional)