Resilience

I've fought with the wind
I've wrestled with the seas
I've been captured by the enemy
But always I've been freed

I've strayed from the path
I've gotten lost in the trees
I've fallen off the cliff
But there was water beneath

I've been hunted by the wolves
I've been taunted by the snake
I've been sat on by the elephant
But my heart they could not break

I've been in the fire
I've been in the pit
I've been in the ditch
But I did not quit

I've been defeated
I've not done well
I've lost
But I did not fail

I've fallen
I've been bruised
I've suffered
But I was not used

The wind and the fire
The animals and the trees
The fears and the worries
The bruises and the seas

Have all made me stronger
And resilient is a good thing to be
Cause when you bend, you don't break
And you learn to have sympathy

Before Bald Brunch

Today, in two and a half hours I'll be removing all my hair. I raised over 2,300 dollars for Childhood Cancer Research and I'm donating a ponytail for the making of a cancer patient's wig.

At brunch this morning, I sat alone, quietly and pensively in a little coffee shop cafe. I thought about the reality of how long it will be before my hair grows back. I thought about all the other ways I could have raised money for cancer research. I thought about how silly I'm going to look and feel. I began to even feel insecure about the insecurity that hasn't even arrived in me yet.

And for a moment all that mattered to me was myself, my hair, my selfish, and my identity as defined by others.

I sat there. And I prayed. I asked the Lord to show me my face and my heart through His eyes.

Luke 12:7

Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.

He reminded me that he knows every detail of my being. Therefore, I should not fear. I am insanely valuable to him, with or without hair.

How the heart of a mother reflects the heart of the Father

Anyone who knows me, knows there's not a whole lot in life I dislike. I'm down with brussel sprouts, I don't have any hard feelings toward the Seahawks, and bring on the rain, or the snow...It'll just make my love of the Sun stronger.

People, I love. Places, I love. Food, I love. New experiences, I love. People's stories, I love. Giving gifts, I love. Making tea, I love. Listening to music, I love. So, you get the point...I love a lot of things. And I like even more. And well I dislike almost nothing...

Except planes.

I more than dislike them. I don't enjoy them. I don't feel safe in them. Frankly, I'm terrified of them.

Millions of people fly every day. I get it. More people die in car crashes, again I get it. Flying gets you there faster, still got it (even though I myself enjoy a good journey, no need to race).

I've done everything. I've taken medicine. I've been prayed over, prayed for. I've read techniques. I've talked to pilots. I've sat and done little plane watching.

I'm still afraid. And fear is a powerful thing.

And my fear is keeping me from experiencing some great things and great places with great people. It already has and it will continue to if I let it. But that's not the point of this blog post.

The point is that my mother, the most gracious and loving and kind woman I've ever known...offered to go with me.

Now this seems simple, but my trip is free...my mom would have to pay like 700 dollars to fly with  me.

But she didn't offer cause she cares about seeing San Diego. Not only would she have to get off work, but she would have to spend lots of money...and her time.

But she offered because her heart reflects the Father's. She offered because she doesn't want me to miss out on life. She offered because she knew the simple idea that she would be with me...could be enough. Could be a great comfort. Could allow me to feel free of fear.

I may not make this trip, but hopefully there will be more chances...and I will remember how my mom reminded me of the way Christ views me. He doesn't want me to fear. He doesn't want me to miss out on life. And He wants me to know that He is going with me...and He wants me to believe that enough to let it comfort me...

Baby Talk for Adults

Last week I took the journey down to Pelzer (ok, so it's a short journey that takes all of about 15 minutes---never correct me) to visit my friends Heather and Ryan and their almost two week old son. Let's get the real talk out of the way first, Baby James is mega cute, small, sweet and acted like a complete gentleman the whole time I was there. He is incredible. He is a little bundle of miracle joy love (and any other insanely magical happy words you can throw in there). So, I was thrilled to meet him, hold him, talk to him, and love on him. But I was also excited to have some baby talk with his parents. 

Ryan and Heather are two of the most gentle, loving people I ever met. They speak in love and truth. They speak delicately, but what they say has so much power. I really could make this whole entry about just them and their dynamics, character, and heart for the Lord. 

But...

I have a story/point here.

I was asking all the usual questions about parenting, labor, pregnancy, life with a baby...

And I asked Heather (and Ryan) what was something she/he learned about the Lord through the process of having Baby James. There was a moment of silence...and then Heather said one of the most beautiful things I've heard in a long time. 

She told me that when she was holding Baby James in her arms at the hospital she looked down at him and was overwhelmed with love for him, but also she was proud of him. She was genuinely proud of him and he hadn't yet done anything to earn it. She was proud of him because HE WAS HERS. That was her reason. And she said it reminded her that that's how the Lord views her. She doesn't have to do anything (no fancy circus tricks or life projects) or even try to earn the Lord's praise and love. He is just proud of her for being HIS. He is proud of all HIS children. 

I couldn't help but tear up a little. 

It wasn't laced with big words or fictitious elegance. It was just simple. It was and is TRUTH and that's what made it so incredibly beautiful. 

Baby James is an incredibly blessed little boy. Just like we are all blessed to have a Father who loves us...and is Proud of us...just because we are His.

Oz

So for some reason I thought I might need a project for the last year of my 20s. That project is a series of daily writings: poems, thoughts, and ramblings. One entry a day...all leading up to the big 3-0 at the end of 2014. I've been keeping all these thoughts in a journal. Most of them, not worth sharing.

Anyways, writer's block is bound to show up multiple days (or maybe all 365)...so today's poem was silly and well, probably a product of writer's block.

Jan 6, 2014
(inspired by the Wizard of Oz at the Peace Center)

We're not in Kansas anymore
More than tornadoes hide in the sky
Aunt Em and Uncle Henry got their own issues
And little Toto's about to die

The hay doesn't pay the bills or keep the power on
In fact, it barely fills the Scarecrow's body
Dorothy's out late drinking away her sorrows
And let's just say she gets a tad bit naughty

The Tin Man doesn't want a heart
He finds that emotions are quite the bother
And the Lion doesn't really need courage
Just like everyone else, He needs a father

The yellow brick road isn't paved in gold
The Wicked Witch of the West isn't all that bad
There's much of the story that's left untold
Because "Happily Ever After"makes a better fad

After Dawn

Did the light in the room change?
Did that bulb just suddenly go dim?
Cause the room seems somewhat darker.

The room that we both were just in.
Maybe the blinds are casting weird shadows.
Maybe the moon forgot to rise.

I can't quite pinpoint the reason.
But tonight there's darkness in your eyes.
Your voice is void of all softness.

Your fists seem clenched so tight.
You're looking but I don't think you see me.
Something just doesn't seem right.

Did the air in the room change?
Did the temperature suddenly drop?
Cause the room seems somewhat colder.

The room we both were just in.
Maybe the windows are still open.
Maybe we forgot to keep the warmth inside.

I can't quite pinpoint the reason.
But tonight there's a chill in you.
Your voice is full of frosted words.

Your demeanor is giving me the chills.
I'm looking at you, but I don't see you.
This room has a different feel.

I'm in a room with a stranger.
The familiar face is gone.
I'm in a room with a stranger.
Seems a lot can change after dawn.

Ride In

Prince of Peace ride in and comfort this heart of sin.

Slay my fears and crush my doubt.

Rescue me and lead me out.

Out of brokenness, and far away from darkness.

Bring me into the light and let me dwell with you there.

In your loving arms, in your perfect care.

Prince of Peace ride in and comfort this heart of sin.

Stay

Writing things in your own words can be a really personal thing. Sharing those words that you wrote even more personal...but who wants to live in a world where you can't be vulnerable. Or real. Or happy. Or hurt. Or share your words. So, I'm choosing to share some of mine. 


I really hoped you change your mind.

I hoped you turn around 

And not walk away.

Thought maybe you'd see the love

I held in my eyes

The love reflecting off your face.

Had convinced myself you'd come back inside

Come in and simply hold me.

Had told myself so many lies

This time the lie had left me lonely

What a mess I made

You tried your best to clean it for me

But the wreckage grew 

In all my little dirty tirades 

Grew so large, with no one to warn me.

That by the time I wanted to help

Help pick up the pieces together

You'd given up on me

Did your goodbye mean forever?

Blame you, I wouldn't

Not love you, I couldn't

Laced with fear and filled with doubt

Still waiting, waiting, waiting

For a man

Not to figure me out

Not to even understand

But to never let go

Of my heart, or my hand

Hold me next to his chest

And feel that beat

And how it still races

When he comforts me, touches me

Makes me feel complete

Humility in his heart

Encouragement on his lips

He fights for what he sees in me

And what he sees in me

is dear. The precious image

Of our God, resting deep within.

Shaping gently my soul

To form a better me

One that will love unselfishly

And finally be free

To feel that all of me is loved

The good, and the bad

So I begin to wait again

With hope for a better ending

A hope that I'll see more quickly

See before it's too late

Cause by the time I decided not to leave 

You decided not to stay. 

L-O-V-E

Everyone loves love. And yet no on really seems to know what it is or how to define it. Below are my thoughts and some of the thoughts of others.

“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love—true love.” 
― Robert Fulghum, True Love

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”
― Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
― Anonymous, Holy Bible: New International Version



The Love that runs in us, and to us and through us...
Is a love that can change as others we trust
A heart can turn soft as a pillow
Or that same heart begin to rust

A heart can become a dove
Full of freedom and life
Or a heart can become a stone
Heavy, surrounded by weeds overgrown

A heart can be light as feather
Drifting and floating like the wind
Or a heart can become a cage
That the power of love is trapped in

A heart can become a field of wild flowers
Fragrant and ready to bloom
Or a heart can become an urn
Hope turned to ashes and filled with doom

A heart can become a a place of hope
Or a place of sin
A place where you run to hide
Or where you invite others in

A heart is fragile
Not a beat it misses
A delicate instrument
Full of lyrical blisses

So when you hold
Or shape another's heart
Do it with the kind of love
That is a true art



“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there.” 
― Bob Marley

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. 
A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. 
A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master...” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

“The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person.” 
― Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters

Hallelujah in the Highest Praise...

This video is so moving to me...

One Father, Onc Creator....Hallelujah in the Highest Praise...

Worship: music that moves... Click to watch...

Church Wisdom.

"Whenever you want God as much as you want your next breath....you'll find Him..." -Pastor Chad at City Church, Simpsonville, SC

Why haven't you left yet?

"God created man in his image, in his divine image...God created man. When I look at another human being that looks absolutely distressing instead of being disgusted by that, I'm now open to the beauty that that human being was created in the image of God. I'm looking at that divine creation. I'm looking at God...himself.

Without any question, there's no doubt in my mind that there is a God. At some point in time, we have to transcend from what is not mysterious to those things that are a mystery and just say, I believe. I believe."

"There's this innate sense with in me to go and do something....and there's no question in my mind that's God communicating to us to go and do..."

From this link/video: http://www.faithit.com/food-truck-delivers-food-poor/

Lewism

You must believe that God is separate from the world and that some of the things we see in it are contrary to His will. -CS LEWIS

Oh, Love.

Today I found myself just searching...well, let's be honest that's what I'm doing everyday. But today in particular I was in search of the Lord's wisdom...and what I found was about love. Something we all seemingly seek fervently after... Something we find in various places...some of those places safe and some far too unkind. But in the Song of Songs Chapter 3, The Beloved is urging us and warning us not to seek out love. (What? Yeah, I'm with you if you're confused.)

If love is so wonderful then why should we not seek it out...?

Well, I think for two reasons...one is because our search for any love other than that of Jesus is often a distraction and may ultimately lead to dissatisfaction. Because when comparing the love you are receiving from someone else with the love of Christ...they will ALWAYS pale in comparison. They will fail. No matter how great their gift giving skills or their listening skills...no matter how big their servant's heart. God's love is perfect. That's hard to compete with...

But I think also what she's saying is that God, who is Love, governs over love. In other words, not seeking or forcing love will allow it to develop on its own...under the government of God. Love, like everything else in life has its proper time...God knows that time...and His timing is flawless. So it seems I found a deeper meaning and a new understanding of the words..."the look of love..."

"The Look of Love"...is just being SEEN by someone through the eyes of Christ.

Tim Kisdom

“What you need to drive out an old passion, is a new passion, a greater passion. What you need is an over-mastering positive passion. [...] Just as Rachel was Jacob's over-mastering passion, the passion of his life, Jesus is our "Rachel". To the degree, that you see Jesus on the cross, loosing absolutely everything for you, He will become a beauty to you, He will become so beautiful in your eyes that you'll be able to change these things that control
you now, they'll loose their power.
Do you know how to work on your heart like that? It's only by rejoicing in and resting in what Jesus Christ has done for you. Then you can replace your idols. And if you really want to change and want to pound the Gospel more deeply into your heart - Jesus Christ must become your over-mastering positive passion.”
― Timothy Keller, Gospel in Life: Grace Changes Everything

Comfort will come...

I said this to someone recently and realized after it fell out of my lips...how sincere the words really were:          Don't feel lost. This world is designed to produce misery but allowing misery to clothe us in self-pity just distracts us from Kingdom work. Yes, He has worked everything out. And truly, maybe it's not even awesome (His plans aren't, you know by our definition of awesome). But the point is it's His divinity. So submit. And comfort will come from submission...

Stolen from someone, somewhere.

Stolen from someone, somewhere. Some thing, some thing that we all know to be true. But sometimes forget.

"God loves you more in a moment, than

anyone could in a lifetime."

You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.

***Lewis B. Smedes***

I've struggled with this concept lately. That art of forgiveness. Hurt is real. It causes outrage, frustration, distrust, confusion, fear...the negative ramifications seem almost endless. But forgiveness, though it's often hard... Forgiveness is a process, a challenge, and also a command... Forgiveness is freedom. Forgiveness allows you to step down off your high horse (or pedestal for the non-horse fans)...the one that tells you that you don't deserve to be hurt. The one that says you don't deserve to be wronged. Or treated unfairly. Or wounded. The one that says you're without flaw...

Forgiveness allows you to remember that you've probably done some hurting yourself. That someone (let's be real, many someones) have had to forgive you. That maybe at times you haven't even deserved a second chance, but you've been granted one...at some point. That someone has looked at you and said "you're worth more than the damage you've done. Or the selfish decisions you've made." Forgiveness means you're still valuable. You're more valuable than your one bad moment... 
It allows two people to understand something incredible. Forgiveness allows those involved to understand grace. Grace. Grace. Did I say, Grace?

Many things in life are beautiful, forgiveness is one of those many things.

it's simple really...(a reminder to myself)

Clarity comes from time spent with God. So why then do we blame God for lack of clarity when we haven't been spending time with Him or His word. 

Clearly, (no pun intended, but I enjoy them better when they're unintentional anyways...so win, win)...this reminder (to myself)
came from the Lord.

I'm no poet, but I like a love song...

Writing anything to anyone is scary, but writing a poem is completely terrifying. Especially if you're not a poet to begin with. And maybe they say how great it is, and maybe they say nothing at all. Maybe their an artist and so the poem falls on a critical eye. Or maybe their not an artist and therefore poetry is not in their wheelhouse of understanding, they prefer simple statements. Either way, no outcome changes the emotion in the poem...the feeling that rest gently, eagerly behind the pen. And so therefore, no matter what the outcome...the poem is always worth writing. Worth sharing.

Once upon a time through a series of events unplanned,

A young man stole a woman’s heart with the mere stroke of his hand.

He had great looks, talent, character and wit.

She had butterflies, goosebumps, and the fire he had lit.

He gave her strength, passion, and warmth from the cold.

He provided her with adventures, honesty, and lyrics made of gold.

And as time passed, the flames still rapidly grew and the verses took shape. 

Both voices eagerly toiled despite not knowing what song they would create.

And as their story continued to unfold.

And seasons passed and the young grew old,

A friendship continued its melody, while the rhythm of the heart transformed.

Beautiful ballads set them free and through harmony love was born…