But the past few days events led me to some thoughts I wanted to share (mainly for my mom to read since she is always asking me to blog). The things I'm about to share are not the most appealing. In fact if you have a weak stomach, this might not be the entry to read.
About a year ago or so, it seems a small bump appeared on my collarbone. I thought nothing of it. It was small and sort of hard to notice. But as time passed, the bump grew slowly in size. It became something I was slightly self-concious about and more noticeable as it grew. During a doctor visit, I had it checked and was told it was no big deal, just a cyst that people often get and can have for years. I was informed by my doctor that I could have it removed whenever I liked. I had just switched jobs and was without insurance for a bit so I decided to wait.
I'm getting to the point of all this so bare with me. Recently, the cyst appeared to have a white head on it and as people began to look at it, they would say "no big deal you can pop that...and you should". I began to listen to the voices around me (let me clarify none of these people had harmful intentions), but this bump that I had barely thought twice about in a year's time suddenly became my "elephant in the room." I began to feel like it was gross and everyone else was silently confirming that thought. (Mind you the bump was the size of a large garden pea so nothing crazy). But the world around me won.
I picked at the bump. I squeezed it. I pinched it. I made it open up. I pushed on it. I did everything I could to agitate it in hopes that it would somehow become less obvious and go away. Within a day or two, it had become apparent that not only was it MORE obvious, but that I had done something to irritate or infect it. I went to the doctor. The doctor then cut out the infection and gave me a prescription. The solution was easy. But in order to solve the problem simply...I had to allow someone else to clean up the mess I had made by trying to work it out myself AND believing all the non-doctors voices around me.
That whole personal, kind of icky story is to say this...if you listen to the world, you will make a mess of things and though God will always clean it up when you come to Him and seek His guidance, you can prevent the pain and infection by not trying to solve things entirely on your own.
The cyst would have been fine until I had insurance (which starts next week, yes next week...so out-of-pocket expenses were paid). Instead of waiting and not letting something bother me that had nothing to do with my interior, but only my exterior...I got consumed and created a problem. The solution had a price.
I'm learning that sometimes I don't know what's best for me or how to fix the mess I've made (or I'm about to make), but thankfully I believe in a God that does.
Jeremiah 29:11
(My bullet style wound after the "clean-up." Caution: The image below may gross you out.)
