The reality is that something has to become more important to us...than ourselves. 

on repeat.

Consistency is good unless whatever it is that's consistent is not. Just a thought. 

Start lighting up the love...

  God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we're free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ's. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love.

  We, though, are going to love—love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first.

  If anyone boasts, "I love God," and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won't love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can't see? The command we have from Christ is blunt: Loving God includes loving people. You've got to love both. (1 John 4:17-21, from the Message)

I'd add my own thoughts and words here, but too often we think scripture needs our additions, when all it really needs is our attention. It always speaks for itself.

Cravings.

Ever had a craving for something? Happens to me every morning and the cure always seems to be Chick-fil-a hashbrowns or chocolate from Ginger's desk. Not everything we crave is good for us, and of course on the reverse not everything we crave is bad. We might crave time with our families or more rest. We might crave some gym time or some garlic on our mashed potatoes. Cravings are strong. And cravings often aren't satisfied until they get what they are after. For example, when I crave mexican food...you can give me anything else to eat and it can even be great, but still lead to disappointment. Because what I got is not what I wanted. What I got was not what I was craving.

This seems silly, but I find this also to be true in my relationship with Jesus. If my soul craves Him (and it does), it's not satisfied until I give it what it wants. And what it wants is Him. Time with Him. Reading His word. Talking to Him in prayer. Or maybe just some silence in His presence. Funny thing is I keep trying to feed my soul other things...(kind of like giving any other kind of food but chips and salsa to the person craving mexican). So, why am I so surprised when I find myself unsatisfied? Still craving. I know what to feed my soul to satisfy it... seems simple enough right?

But satisfied and full don't mean the same thing. So, I get so "full" feeding my soul all these other things...that I try to ignore my lack of satisfaction. Ever try that? Like if you've ever ignored the laundry, hoping someone would break into your home and wash and fold it...maybe even hang some in the closet and not take any of your valuables. You eventually end up running out of clothes and decide you have to do laundry or you'll be busting out the birthday suit. Why do we neglect something until it's empty? No need to wait until your out of toothpaste to get more and risk going to work a few days trying not to breathe. I need to remember this in my relationship with Jesus. I don't need to wait until I'm empty or overwhelmed to seek Him. I need to satisfy the cravings by spending time with Him (daily) and not get "full" on so many other things. Because nothing else will satisfy me and anything less will leave me feeling empty.

Teenage Self

Last week I attended a training for work. The training was incredible. It taught me a great deal about working with girls and their sensitivities. It also taught me how to listen, like really listen. Not the kind of listening where you are already wanting to interrupt with what YOU have to say, but instead the kind of listening where you just let someone else be heard. Also, in this training we wrote a letter to our teenage self with all the experience and information that we now know. They were very personal, but I'd like to share mine all the same.

Dear Teenage Self,

Read these words carefully and know that they are being passed along to help you. Sometimes the greatest wisdom is that that comes from inside of yourself.

Listen to your parents, they truly do know best. Don't be so hard on yourself. Be careful about receiving and mistranslating affection from guys. Continue to pursue your dreams, even if they change over time or even if you feel you never reach them. Don't let the opinions of others become your opinions. Never quit. Find reasons to love yourself. And I'll give you one reason now: God loves you. Remember to engage in positive conversations with your mother, respect her. She loves you. A lot.

Don't stop building a relationship with the Lord---he has your best interest at heart. Begin exercising so that it will become a discipline in your life. Go ahead and stop eating meat, you are going to do it down the road anyways. Your smile is beautiful even though you have braces, so go on and smile more. (Side note: I had braces all through high school.)

Embrace today. Write your dad more "I love you" notes, cause one day he won't be around to read them. The only time you'll be able to see his face is in pictures. So, memorize his smile. Be bold. Believe. Stand taller. Keep your head up and your shoulders back. There's nothing wrong with good posture. Eat fruit, you can't survive on cookies and chips. FORGIVE. Forgive, forgive.

Love unconditionally, this will take you a lifetime to accomplish but try. Serve more. Whine less. Remember, it's not AT ALL about you. Pray harder. Don't underestimate the power of Christ in your life or His love. And let Him know it by pursuing Him. Constantly. Consistently. And Continuously. Love. And love some more. Keep loving until you feel like it's effortless.

You are not alone, and it's not such a bad thing if you turn out a little like your parents.

Much love,

The older and barely wiser....you.

Start with one...

"You wanna know how to change the world, son? One random act of kindness at a time." ("God" played by Morgan Freeman in Evan Almighty).

Simple Things like Small Kindnesses

Small kindnesses are often hard to come by or maybe they aren't. Maybe we just overlook them. Either way, they rarely get appreciated to the extent they deserve. I started thinking about this the other day after a small kindness was shown toward me.

I was walking into a building and I was planning to use the elevator. I was alone and I wasn't carry anything, but my purse (just noting that my hands were completely free). A gentleman was walking just a few brisk paces ahead of me. The gentleman (who I do not know and who never looked back) heard the sound of my boots and simply walked right by the elevator and pushed the button for me. Why was this so kind? Well, because the gentleman knew it would take the elevator a moment to arrive and he was taking the stairs. As I approached the elevator, it arrived. I smiled to myself...and truly felt appreciative of this simple, but sincere gesture.

When I arrived at my destination, the gentleman was also coming from the stairs. I looked in his direction and simply said "Thank you"...his reply "No problem." Though he may never know that I thought enough of his gesture to blog about it (perhaps I'm just running out of material, right?). But I did. The whole evening I thought about random acts of kindness and the way a simple sweet gesture from a friend or stranger can make us feel. The feeling...amazing. Don't believe me, try it. My goal: commit more random acts of kindness, because I have been on the receiving end of them many times in life and I know how rewarding they are and how much they can be appreciated.

"It's the little things that make a difference, it's the little things that show love. It's that little things. A simple cup of water, that can change the world..." -song by jj heller

A glimpse of Him.

This morning at church one of my girls I volunteer with ran up and hugged me. She was eager to tell me she was being baptized. And in that moment, I realized how much we can care about the lives of others. She wanted me to care about her baptism and I did. Though I no longer volunteer with the fourth and fifth grade girls (as I am now with the teens at my church) I still love the younger girls immensely. I want for them all that God can offer. I want them to walk so close to Him that they can hear His whispers, smell His grace, and brush up against His unfailing love. I want them to hold tightly the hand of Jesus.

A while back I said I wanted this to be my year of selfless discovery. I wanted to make 2010 about others and not about me. Well, that hasn't been entirely a success, because I'm human and my desires still get in my way. But I have found that I can care and love others so completely, that I want what's best for them above anything else. I want God to pour into them the same blessings and promises that He has poured into me this past year. I want for them LIFE, not just the kind where you wake up breathing, but the kind where you wake up LIVING in FREEDOM and ABOUNDING LOVE.

Though the year is not over...I'm thankful for all that God has done for me and around me in 2010. And I know that when we come to a place where we place more value on the lives of others, than on our own...that is the place where we see a glimpse of God's grace, love and mercy. I want more glimpses of that place.

Thankful that we serve a God who is not self-seeking but rather a God who seeks fully the attention of our selfish hearts.

Psalm 145

From Psalm 145 (Thank you J.E.M!):

⁸The LORD is gracious and merciful,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
⁹The LORD is good to all,
and his mercy is over all that he has made.

-Psalm 145:8-9

the music of life...

If you know me well, you know that I love music. I crave it really. New music. Good music. Music that says something, even if I don't quite know what it is. Music that makes me feel a pain, a passion, a purpose...just by listening to the singer. the lyrics. the beat. Music helps me heal. It motivates me to clean my room and fold my laundry. It comforts me on a long drive. It brings me to worship. It helps me to marinate on my own life, on the little moments. It gives my thoughts a voice. It dances with my heart and often sings softly to my soul. Music liberates me. Perhaps this is not the case for you. Perhaps you find your liberation and your voice in something else. That's ok. And if anyone ever heard me sing, they would definitely not understand my love of music. Maybe that's why I love it so much, because my appreciation stems from the fact that I can't do it. So I'm forced to listen to it. To truly hear it.

Songs often speak for me, to me, or about me and the things in life I love. Here are some lyrics I've enjoyed "hearing" as of late:

"I'm sorry...One foot in sea, one on shore. My heart was never pure, you know me. Love that will not betray you, dismay, or enslave you. It will set you free. Be more like the man you were made to be...There is a design, an alignment to cry, of my heart to see. The beauty of love as it was made to be." -Mumford and Sons

"I'm asking you Lord won't you please draw near...to open my eyes so that I can see how you are working in me. All I need is your love, so come and fill this heart of mine." -Shawn McDonald

"Some are reaching, few are there...everyday we try to find, we search our hearts and our minds. The place we used to call our home, can't be found when we're alone...so, have no envy and no fear." -Joshua Radin

"I got troubles Lord, but not today...cause there gonna wash away. I have sins Lord, but not today...cause there gonna wash away." -Joe Purdy

"Nothing can separate, even if I ran away. Cause Your love never fails...You stay the same through the ages, Your love never changes..." -Chris Quilala

"Cause I'm picking up the message Lord and I'm closer than I've ever been before. So, if you have something to say, say it to me now..." -Glen Hansard (from movie Once)

Sometimes it's soothing to just listen, instead of wanting to hear the sound of our own voice, the noise of our own name. I encourage you, whether it's to music, to a friend, or to the Lord...to stop talking from time to time...and JUST LISTEN.

Cleaning your room can be refreshing.

So, my summer has been extremely busy and it has gone by way too quickly (The main reason I haven't kept up with "blogging").

My room is a portrait of how "on the go" my life has been the past couple of months. I looked at it today and realized it was desiring some attention from me. It was a wreck. While cleaning my room, I found various scriptures I had jotted down. I found notes to friends and to family. I found tickets from concerts and jewelry that I had chalked up as lost. I found a sticky note from my dad that made me smile through tears. And what I discovered is that I learned more about myself today cleaning my room than I have in a long time. I learned a lot about what I place value on. I confirmed what I am passionate about. I acknowledged that I keep too many receipts. I uncovered some unknown knowledge about myself...and was able to reflect on things (moments and memories) that make my heart beat and my soul smile.

The following is one I'd like to share (written March 2009). I changed the names of those that were mentioned in what I had originally written:

Wow, the weight of the world can overwhelm us sometimes. "Jane" is stuck in a spiritual rut. She has all these responsibilities as a wife and a mother, but often wonders where are some of the rewards. I attempted to tell her that sometimes the fruits of our labor aren't seen in this life. Sometimes the harvest comes after we're gone---and often it's not about what we are building on earth, but what we are building in Eternity.

"John" is an amazing guy that has some awesome and unique talents. Talents that I know could make an incredible impact on the Kingdom of God. But he chooses to ignore God's grace and mercy by saying that he is already destined for Hell, so why sacrifice. Why try to build a relationship with a God that he knows could never love him?

But what he doesn't realize is the value that God places upon each one of us. To Him, we are all unique and able to serve a special purpose. To Him, we are all precious and adored. To Him, we are all His children. No two children of God are alike, and He desires for all of His children to live the most fulfilling life possible. One that will lead them to eternity with Him.

Back

Sorry, it's been a while since I wrote because I lost the last domain name...but things are back. I purchased .org and .net. I'm good to go and I'll be posting some thoughts real soon...for the person(s) that read this, in other words...my mom. :) Who called me today complaining about me not having a blog anymore. Here it is, Mom.

while i was brewing coffee....

Yesterday, while I was working my part-time job in a coffee shop...I was afforded the moment to sit and read for a minute. So, I pulled out my Bible and opened it up to Hebrews. There I read:

"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things that we cannot see. Through their faith, the people in days of old earned a good reputation. By faith we understand that the entire universe was formed at God's command, that what we now see did not come from anything that can be seen...And it is impossible to please God without faith." Hebrews 11:1-6

My prayer this week will be for more faith, less fear. My heart longs to please God.

dream.

Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I'm supposed to be.

The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep.

Dream by Priscilla Ahn

appreciate your present

Next time you start to think life wouldn't suck if you had that dream job, dream car, or dream house...just remember that your present reality, the one with the things that you seem to find so unsatisfying...is probably someone else's dream car, dream job or dream house.

What do I know of love?

Since I'm stuck indoors (to be explained in a future post), I've been doing some reading. And this really hit me today. I read it...and I'm not sure I'm done marinating on it yet. But thought it should be shared.

"LUKEWARM PEOPLE love others but do not seek to love others as much as they love themselves. Their love for others is typically focused on those who love them in return, like family, friends, and other people they know and connect with. There is little love left over for those who cannot love them back, much less for those who intentionally slight them, whose kids are better athletes than theirs, or with whom conversations are awkward or uncomfortable. Their love is highly conditional and very selective, and generally comes with strings attached."

(from Crazy Love by F. Chan)

And then read Matthew 5:43-47.

Thanks for calling me out, Mr. Chan. I do not want strings attached to my love. I want to be selfless...and my love unconditional. As I am loved by God, may I learn to love others in the same way.

Crazy Love

"But it's easy to think about today as just another day. An average day where you go about life concerned with your to-do list, preoccupied by appointments, focused on family, thinking about your desires and needs.

On the average day, we live caught up in OURSELVES. On the average day, we don't consider God very much. On the average day, we forget that our life truly is a vapor."

(Crazy Love by Francis Chan)

Support Colon Cancer Awareness.

Support my sister and I, Marilyn, in our efforts to raise colon cancer awareness and honor our dad, who passed away in June 2008. We will be participating in the remembrance event at the end of March in Central Park. We are excited to be able to go to a city that we love and feel like we can celebrate the life of our father while we are there. If you can donate, please do. It's appreciated. Thank you and God bless.

http://ColonCancerChallenge.kintera.org/faf/r.asp?t=4&i=327163&u=327163-284383784&e=3162670942

One day at a time...one discovery...even.

So, I have quite a bit to say, but there isn't enough time or space to say it all today (or possibly ever even). I've been soaking up a lot of reading...with the hope of reading as much as possible this year...to aid in growth.

I've coined this my year of "Selfless Discovery"....and in order to be selfless often one ends up learning a lot about how they view themselves and their own selfish heart. My journey has begun...and though it is far from over...I know all my discoveries are purifying my heart, preparing it to become that of servant's (heart).

Today's discovery: I worry about the wars of others, with others, for others...instead of seeking peace for my own spiritual warfare. I ask with my own benefit in mind. I don't ask for what's best. I ask for what's pleasing...to me, for me. I seek to change this. I seek Him to change me, to be changed.

"What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don't they come from the evil desires within you? You want what you don't have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can't get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don't have what you want because you don't ask God for it. And even when you ask, you don't get it because your motives are all wrong--you want only what will give you pleasure." ---James 4:1-3

compliments of many pretty places

For 2010, I resolve to get out in nature more. Because there among God's beauty...clarity often arrives. And the complicated becomes simple. And the noise quiets. And the clouds clear. And the air is cleaner. Hike often. If that's not for you, just stop and silently observe the next sunset. Maybe it will be just another day of the sun leaving to find rest, or maybe it will truly change your day. your week. your life. THE WAY TO HAPPINESS: Keep your heart free from hate, your mind from worry. Live simple, accept little, give much. Fill your life with love. Scatter sunshine. Forget self, think of others. Do as you would be done.