the end of the day ahead of me, as a new day creeps up from behind

There's no one in town I know. You gave us some place to go. I never said thank you for that. I thought I might get one more chance. What would you think of me now, so lucky, so strong, so proud? I never said thank you for that, now I'll never have a chance. May angels lead you in......On sleepless roads the sleepless go. And if you were with me tonight, I'd sing to you just one more time. A song for a heart so big, God wouldn't let it live......

(missin' a part of my heart. last week. this week. and forever.)

Veronica: more than just a woman on a bench

Sometimes when our mind is dark and our heart is heavy, we get the desire to "run away"...to go anywhere but "home." As I approach a very sad date in my life next week, I have found this to be the case for me...I'm running. To what or to where, I don't know. The people I'm finding along the way however, seem to be more beneficial than the "run."

A few weeks ago, J.M. and I (and two of her friends) stumbled upon a homeless lady, Veronica. We helped her find shelter and food, but I came home feeling like we didn't feed or shelter her soul. How could we help Veronica long-term and give her more than a night of refuge, more than just a glimpse of hope.

To make a long story short(er), we invited her to church, I gave her my number, we looked for her and she didn't show up...yada yada yada. Well tonight as I traveled home...seeking something to do, someone to listen to me and someone to listen to...I happened to find Veronica. She was not on her usual bench, but she was in her usual attire and wearing her usual smile. I approached her and greeted her (by using her name...I think we should all be on a first name basis more). She was happy to see me and also happy to ask me to go get Subway. I got Subway and as I sat there with her...I found myself finding true investment in her, in her soul. I wanted to know what those eyes had seen, those ears had heard, and that heart had felt. I wanted to know her deepest secrets and her darkest fears. I wanted her to know that she was handmade by a wonderful God...that she was loved.

She asked if I was going to visit my father this weekend for the holiday and I told her he was no longer alive. (The perfect time to talk about my heavenly father right?) I prayed with her and though I did decline when she offered to come stay with me at my own house...I will see her again I'm sure.

As I walked away she said "Bye Britteni. I love you." and I knew she meant it. I knew she was sincere. And for some reason all my little problems of today, didn't matter...because I had given and received love.

My relationship with God is one where I'm usually receieving and not giving...I thought tonight how much I could gain if I treated my relationship with God like I did my interaction with Veronica. Instead of just passing Him by, I would stop. I'd hear His orders (in her case, a sub) and I'd obey. I'd sit with Him and enjoy His presence. I'd call Him by name. I'd get excited to meet with Him again. And I'd listen closely because I wouldn't want to miss Him say "I love you, Britteni"...

the spirit of strangers

Hebrews 13:1-2---Let brotherly love continue. Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels. (NKJV)

Hebrews 13:1-2---Keep on loving each other as brothers. Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it. (NIV)

Hebrews 13:1-2---Stay on good terms with each other, held together by love. Be ready with a meal or a bed when it's needed. Why, some have extended hospitality to angels without ever knowing it! (The Message)

Sorry I've neglected to write more lately...I will catch up eventually. I've been working a full and part-time job and trying to actively seek God's face in the community. While occassionally finding a spot to be silent and still.

Dear Yous that I've yet to know,

i don't know what you smoke or what countries you've been to

if you speak any other languages other than your own but i'd like to meet you

i don't know if you drive

if you love the ground beneath you

i don't know if you write letters or panic on the phone still i'd like to call you

all the same, if you want to, i am game.

i don't know if you can swim or if the sea has any draw for you

if you're better in the morning or when the sun goes down i'd like to talk to you

i don't know if you can dance if the thought ever occurred to you

if you eat what you've been given or push it round your plate still i'd like to cook for you

all the same, i would want to, i am game

i don't know if you read novels or the magazines

if you love the hand that feeds you

i assume that your heart's been bruised

i know i'd like to know you

(I don't know by Lisa Hannigan)

Well said...

Ok, so I kind of feel like I'm cheating a little, but today at work I read a devotional and it expressed some things that I needed to hear and had been praying and thinking about concerning myself and some of my peers.

Here it is:

“Disease to Please”

How many remember the 80’s? It was a time of parachute pants, acid washed jeans, Ocean Pacific t-shirts, big hair, neon clothing, Member’s only jackets, huge earrings, penny loafer shoes, Izod shirts, (with the collar up) and let's not forget the baggy blazer with the sleeves rolled up.

No matter what decade you grew up in, there was a certain look, a certain style that all of us tried to obtain so we could simply “fit in.” Why? All of us want to be liked. All of us want people to be happier when we walk into a room then when we leave. However, I have learned as a pastor (We struggle with this more than anyone) that there is a very fine line between someone who cares about people and someone who is a people pleaser.

The “Disease to Please” is something that is very contagious and hard to fight off. It plays no favorites. Everyone is a potential casualty. What are some symptoms of this disease?

-We take criticism WAY too personal. Consider this, when you are secure in Christ, your need for human acceptance decreases. When you aren't secure in Christ, rejection kills you.

-Fear of rejection secretly and quietly drives a lot of our choices. When you are secure in Christ, you easily obey the voice of God. When you are not secure in Christ, you constantly fear the opinions of people. The reality of the situation is that insecurity is the root of this disease.

Therefore, the cure for this disease is an understanding of where our security comes from. Man’s opinion or God’s perspective? The question is, who are we living for? Now please remember, there is absolutely nothing wrong with dressing in the latest fashion or design. Be as cool as you want to be.

We simply need to be careful that God's opinion is shaping our decisions and attitudes and not just the opinions of the people around us. Other people have NOTHING to do with how God looks at you. Unfortunately, I have learned the hard way that people pleasing is not a relational issue, it is a spiritual issue. I’m learning to live for an audience of One. May I encourage you to do the same? After all, His opinion is really the only one that matters anyway.

Dan Atkins, Pastor at Discover Church

Because the news never stops...

Ok, so I have a lot of blog catching up to do, but for now:

I work part-time at the Brew and Ewe...come get a root beer float! They're good and cheap!

(It's a root beer bottle mom...)

Breaking News to come:

My new friend, L.J.

Officer Dingle and the Boys

And I'm not allergic to nuts.